Saturday, January 19, 2008
What I'm reading
Blogger will not let me edit my book recommendations. How annoying. So if anyone was just dying to know what I'm reading right now, it's "The Know-it-all" by A.J. Jacobs. I laugh out loud pretty much constantly while reading. I also recommend his new book, "The Year of Living Biblically."
Not My Problem
Today I was trying to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" simultaneously to a customer. It came out "Your problem." Hmm, not exactly the sentiment I was going for.
Take luck! You too!
Take luck! You too!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thoughts on the day
Here are some things I have to say today:
Ants are amazing. My nephew got an ant farm-- it's one of those cool green gel light-up ones. I think I spent 15 minutes watching those ants tonight. You start to wonder what they feel. Do you they feel some kind of joy or at least satisfaction when they have tunneled to the surface? I actually pumped my fist and cheered for them when one finally crawled through the top of the tunnel they were making. Did they care? Do ants have little ant spirits? It's amazing to watch them communicate too. You could see the cooperate even as it looked like they were just stepping all over each other. It's a good thing they are not claustrophobic and do not have space-issues. Oh, but what if they do? See? Ant farms can be great for a Friday night.
24 hour fitness is good for being open at all hours. You know, thus the name and all that. I just got back from the gym, and it's about 11:00 at night. However, when you go to the gym at night I should warn you that you'll be subjected to prime time TV. I haven't watched much TV in about two months, since moving down here. I don't really miss it. I actually had to cut my workout short because the TV was so depressing. Four channels, all depressing. All my exercise-induced endorphin release for nothing. Crime show, news tickers, and even sports where they tell us that Bobby Fischer died. Tomorrow is Saturday, and if I manage to get up, I'll be there in the morning. Last time that meant Disney channel fluff was being broadcast, and I will gladly take it.
On my way back to the store from Starbucks today, I stopped to pet a dog, as I often do. The dog tried to eat my bagel.
I would like to learn to play my guitar. I would also like to pick up piano again.
While I'm wishing for things, I think I might like long hair again. Not sure. Good thing I have this blog so that I can ponder trivial things like this in black and white.
I just closed a Word document and it asked me if I wanted to save the changes to document 42. 42!?!? My niece and nephew must have been typing earlier. 42 is a lot of documents.
I'm reading a good book right now. A book that makes me laugh out loud so that people ask me what I'm reading. It's always nice to be reading a good book.
I feel like I'm writing small tidbits while I wait for the thing I was really going to write about to come back to me... What was it? Maybe it was nothing. Maybe I'm really supposed to be baking cookies for a housewarming party tomorrow or perhaps I should just go to bed. I'll probably think of something that is of great import as soon as I leave. And what will the world do without my blog entry? I guess we'll find out.
Ants are amazing. My nephew got an ant farm-- it's one of those cool green gel light-up ones. I think I spent 15 minutes watching those ants tonight. You start to wonder what they feel. Do you they feel some kind of joy or at least satisfaction when they have tunneled to the surface? I actually pumped my fist and cheered for them when one finally crawled through the top of the tunnel they were making. Did they care? Do ants have little ant spirits? It's amazing to watch them communicate too. You could see the cooperate even as it looked like they were just stepping all over each other. It's a good thing they are not claustrophobic and do not have space-issues. Oh, but what if they do? See? Ant farms can be great for a Friday night.
24 hour fitness is good for being open at all hours. You know, thus the name and all that. I just got back from the gym, and it's about 11:00 at night. However, when you go to the gym at night I should warn you that you'll be subjected to prime time TV. I haven't watched much TV in about two months, since moving down here. I don't really miss it. I actually had to cut my workout short because the TV was so depressing. Four channels, all depressing. All my exercise-induced endorphin release for nothing. Crime show, news tickers, and even sports where they tell us that Bobby Fischer died. Tomorrow is Saturday, and if I manage to get up, I'll be there in the morning. Last time that meant Disney channel fluff was being broadcast, and I will gladly take it.
On my way back to the store from Starbucks today, I stopped to pet a dog, as I often do. The dog tried to eat my bagel.
I would like to learn to play my guitar. I would also like to pick up piano again.
While I'm wishing for things, I think I might like long hair again. Not sure. Good thing I have this blog so that I can ponder trivial things like this in black and white.
I just closed a Word document and it asked me if I wanted to save the changes to document 42. 42!?!? My niece and nephew must have been typing earlier. 42 is a lot of documents.
I'm reading a good book right now. A book that makes me laugh out loud so that people ask me what I'm reading. It's always nice to be reading a good book.
I feel like I'm writing small tidbits while I wait for the thing I was really going to write about to come back to me... What was it? Maybe it was nothing. Maybe I'm really supposed to be baking cookies for a housewarming party tomorrow or perhaps I should just go to bed. I'll probably think of something that is of great import as soon as I leave. And what will the world do without my blog entry? I guess we'll find out.
Monday, January 14, 2008
25-yr-old female extra/introvert seeks peace
I feel like I have a lot to say right now. And I should, right? I haven’t posted anything for months. I could post my last couple of updates that I sent out as emails. But right now I just want to think “out loud.”
Today I was at a restaurant, and as I was at the end of the table, it was easy to remove myself from the large group I was with (I’m guessing close to 20 people). I moved into introvert mode, and pretty desperately wanted to get out of there. Instead, I listened and watched. At the table next to us were two men and they were talking about a woman. Critiquing her—“Oh, I could see how people think she’s cute, but I’ve been around her so much I think she’ annoying.” “Oh, she’s not that smart, I mean, her mom was ecstatic when she got a 900 on her SATs.” And I thought to myself, how awful. How awful to have someone talking about you like that when you’re not there to defend yourself. How awful for someone you probably trust to talk about how you’re annoying. One of my greatest fears is to be annoying. I don’t know that girl, but I feel for her. What do people say about me when I’m not there? (And no, I don’t want to know. Aslan proved it to Lucy and that’s all I need.) Who are we to judge anyway?
Speaking of judging, what is it about judging other people’s relationship’s with God? Okay, I can see if the fruit is not there, you’re going to make assumptions (which still probably isn’t a great idea.) But if you see the fruit, and you say you see the fruit, lay off! It’s my walk. My relationship. Things are going to happen differently. I am a different person and my relationship with God is different than yours. My relationship with you is different from my relationship with anyone else and than anyone else’s is with you. Thank you for the advice, thank you for sharing your thoughts and what you have learned from study, from listening, from experience, and prayer. I truly appreciate those things. But understand that we are different. I know it’s out of love. And it’s not an appropriate response to act out of being hurt. I am hurt. But I am secure in my love, faith, and trust in Christ. That must be the force behind everything I do.
And as far as relationships go, I suppose I should too should recognize that those are different, that they are all going to develop differently, probably even for two people in one relationship. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so emotional, so quickly attached, so affectionate, so caring and sentimental. And certainly that I didn’t let it all be seen. I am an open book. I know people who I think are a little too private. But I wish I were somewhere in between. Somewhere that showed some sense.
I feel like I need to remove myself from a lot of feelings in order to hear God. But is that true? Perhaps God really speaks to me through my feelings. Especially a sense of peace. But what if there is no real peace? What if neither choice leaves you feeling great? Instead you either feel scared, vulnerable, or like you just ignored God. And if you are following God does it follow that you should feel scared? That seems wrong. I need peace right now. I’ve come down to CA, I’m relatively happy here. I have friends (insert new, exciting, fun, and possibly difficult relationships). My job is okay. I like my church. I miss people at home. I miss my college friends and all their new babies. I miss my home church. I miss winter. Right now, though, I can’t imagine moving back. I think about other things, like getting a master’s degree, going on a mission, or something else. (What, moving wasn’t enough change for me?) I don’t know that I feel settled here (maybe because I’m not totally satisfied in my job) but I know that it’s not the right time to go home. My biggest decision to make right now is about going on a mission trip for a year. I need to crack down on the application—if I don’t at least get that in, I think I will feel like I’m avoiding a call. If I have the application in, God can take it from there. So, perhaps before I try feeling a deep peace about that, I had better get through the first step.
In the meantime, I ask for peace. I think it’s all I can ask for right now. There’s so much unanswered in my life. I’ve only been down here two months, so I think I can consider this a transition period still. I don’t have to feel settled about it. There’s a lot still going on around me and in my life. Change. It’s not over yet. I mean, change is never over, but I think this big change isn’t over. It’s actually a big, big change. Bigger than moving down here. It’s deeper than that I think. Which could lead me into talking about other things, like baptism, but I don’t know that I’m up for it right now. Instead I turn to the comfort of my favorite verse:
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:4-7 NRSV
Peace be with you.
Today I was at a restaurant, and as I was at the end of the table, it was easy to remove myself from the large group I was with (I’m guessing close to 20 people). I moved into introvert mode, and pretty desperately wanted to get out of there. Instead, I listened and watched. At the table next to us were two men and they were talking about a woman. Critiquing her—“Oh, I could see how people think she’s cute, but I’ve been around her so much I think she’ annoying.” “Oh, she’s not that smart, I mean, her mom was ecstatic when she got a 900 on her SATs.” And I thought to myself, how awful. How awful to have someone talking about you like that when you’re not there to defend yourself. How awful for someone you probably trust to talk about how you’re annoying. One of my greatest fears is to be annoying. I don’t know that girl, but I feel for her. What do people say about me when I’m not there? (And no, I don’t want to know. Aslan proved it to Lucy and that’s all I need.) Who are we to judge anyway?
Speaking of judging, what is it about judging other people’s relationship’s with God? Okay, I can see if the fruit is not there, you’re going to make assumptions (which still probably isn’t a great idea.) But if you see the fruit, and you say you see the fruit, lay off! It’s my walk. My relationship. Things are going to happen differently. I am a different person and my relationship with God is different than yours. My relationship with you is different from my relationship with anyone else and than anyone else’s is with you. Thank you for the advice, thank you for sharing your thoughts and what you have learned from study, from listening, from experience, and prayer. I truly appreciate those things. But understand that we are different. I know it’s out of love. And it’s not an appropriate response to act out of being hurt. I am hurt. But I am secure in my love, faith, and trust in Christ. That must be the force behind everything I do.
And as far as relationships go, I suppose I should too should recognize that those are different, that they are all going to develop differently, probably even for two people in one relationship. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so emotional, so quickly attached, so affectionate, so caring and sentimental. And certainly that I didn’t let it all be seen. I am an open book. I know people who I think are a little too private. But I wish I were somewhere in between. Somewhere that showed some sense.
I feel like I need to remove myself from a lot of feelings in order to hear God. But is that true? Perhaps God really speaks to me through my feelings. Especially a sense of peace. But what if there is no real peace? What if neither choice leaves you feeling great? Instead you either feel scared, vulnerable, or like you just ignored God. And if you are following God does it follow that you should feel scared? That seems wrong. I need peace right now. I’ve come down to CA, I’m relatively happy here. I have friends (insert new, exciting, fun, and possibly difficult relationships). My job is okay. I like my church. I miss people at home. I miss my college friends and all their new babies. I miss my home church. I miss winter. Right now, though, I can’t imagine moving back. I think about other things, like getting a master’s degree, going on a mission, or something else. (What, moving wasn’t enough change for me?) I don’t know that I feel settled here (maybe because I’m not totally satisfied in my job) but I know that it’s not the right time to go home. My biggest decision to make right now is about going on a mission trip for a year. I need to crack down on the application—if I don’t at least get that in, I think I will feel like I’m avoiding a call. If I have the application in, God can take it from there. So, perhaps before I try feeling a deep peace about that, I had better get through the first step.
In the meantime, I ask for peace. I think it’s all I can ask for right now. There’s so much unanswered in my life. I’ve only been down here two months, so I think I can consider this a transition period still. I don’t have to feel settled about it. There’s a lot still going on around me and in my life. Change. It’s not over yet. I mean, change is never over, but I think this big change isn’t over. It’s actually a big, big change. Bigger than moving down here. It’s deeper than that I think. Which could lead me into talking about other things, like baptism, but I don’t know that I’m up for it right now. Instead I turn to the comfort of my favorite verse:
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:4-7 NRSV
Peace be with you.
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