Discouraged

I was just told by my mother and sister both that I seem to have a great social life and should just enjoy it and be happy. And, granted, I did have two social engagements after work today. I joined an ex-coworker for cupcakes and then joined friends for a walk and dinner. Tomorrow I'll be happily house-sitting with a dog and three cats! (Okay, that doesn't count as social.)
But I can't help feel losses even through all that. I miss a friendship that was well on its way to developing. I realize that she got busy with her wedding and then she got married and now she spends time with other friends and not me... But isn't that it? Other friends and not me... why not me? It's always that I want to know what went wrong. What did I do? What could I have done differently? Was I too needy? Did I only ever talk about that one thing...
And I just wonder about the cycle of relationships and wonder why some last and some don't and how some survive through distance and some seem to do well set on pause. Relationships are so freakishly important to me (I know, they're important to everyone-- we're relational creatures, as God is a relational God-- but seriously, I'm more relational than anyone I know.) and it's very stressful! And with all I go through thinking about my friendships and peer relationships and family... I don't know how I'm ever supposed to be in a healthy, working romantic relationship. Maybe that's why I'm not. I'll never meet anyone anyway. (Ohhh, so pessimistic!) I'm with the same people in the same places. And you can't just date all the people in one group-- doesn't that start to look a bit suspect? And on the one hand, I'm told that I'm playing it too safe. And then I'm told to just enjoy exactly what I have. Which is it?
Aargh. I would say that I just want nice simple relationships, but that's not what I want at all! That would take all the goodness out of it! I just don't want to stress about it.