Tell me how you really feel

You know what? I'm kind of unhappy. I mean, I feel basically happy. That is, I can feel background, base, fundamental happiness. But I'm annoyed and unsatisfied. And I'd like to express that. I am annoyed at all the people I come across that think they know everything and are so arrogant about it. I'm annoyed that I'm sure I do the same thing sometimes. It disappoints and scares me to know that I can come across that way-- that part of me IS that way.
I'm annoyed that I look the way I do and annoyed that it takes serious sacrifices to change it. I do not feel like going to the gym. I can give up my croissant, but maybe not my hot chocolate. I can add water, but what will I eat for lunch? Look, I know what's good for me, but I'd honestly rather just not eat than eat something I don't really want. Yep, I'm that lazy. And I hate it. I know, I know. "Well, you don't hate it enough." "No one can change it but you." "You just have to do it." Enough already! I'm not stupid!

I can go through my day being perfectly cheerful. If you ask me how I am, I can give you the answer you want. I can tell you how I like the fall and how I enjoyed my visit with my nephews and how I'm looking forward to Christmas and how I thrive on reorganizing books even as I grumble to myself as I do it. I know these are the things I should be thinking about. Count your blessings, think happy thoughts. Positive thinking will change your day, blah blah blah. Look, I know there is truth to it but doesn't it sound so TV-Psycho-Pseudo-religious-self-help-babbley? I can't stand it!
I AM cheerful about those things. I am genuinely happy about them. I am also genuinely upset about other things and I don't like to take away from them. I am an equal-opportunity emotionalist.
In the spirit of that mostly-true but still annoying TV-Psycho-Pseudo-religious-self-help-babble I am not going to list more of the things I am upset about (being single) especially since some of them are things I could maybe do something about (my knees are really really scarily bad these days) . Instead I will list just a couple things that I'm happy about. My family, my good friends, sleep, stars, animals, people who are not mean, Jesus, the smell of wood.
There.
But just FYI, people should stop getting engaged and being beautiful and nice and smart and other annoying things like that. Go ahead, give me the "But Katie, you're beautiful and nice and smart and everything is in God's timing" lecture. Tell me something I haven't heard. I will believe you that I have the potential to be prettier than I am now and also that I'm not the least pretty person ever. That I am mostly nice but can also be pretty snarky. That I am not stupid (as I myself claimed above) but certainly have not done what I am capable of and am not capable of what others are (but you're a unique individual capable of different things! blah blah blah). And that yes, everything happens in God's timing. Darn God's timing.
Now just so you all know, I don't really feel that way. I mean, yes, I certainly do. But I fully recognize the fallibility, stubbornness, even sin in it all. Also the immaturity and the part that will lead you to say "You have to get yourself figured out before you can be in a relationship." (Another one I've heard more than once.)
Well, okay, that was just some human venting for the night.
I am going to bed.

Another disclaimer on grammar: When in a rant, one does not need to adhere to all grammar rules. That is, I don't need to. Ranting tends to produce difficult grammatical situations which require some thought and possibly research. There is no time to pause for this in the middle of said rant.