My mother pointed this out the other day when I checked out a DVD from the library:
"Cop." is the same number of characters as "Copy".
So why bother to abbreviate it? Look at the little white label. I don't think it's a matter of space, is it? I realize that the "y" takes up a little more room than the "." but not so much that it's a make it or break it kind of character.
Amusing, really. I never noticed when I worked at library for several years of my life. I'll have to ask my library friends for insight.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Pick yourself up
When you fall, I believe the conventional wisdom is to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get back on the horse. My question is this: How important is the "brush yourself off" part? Metaphorically I can see that it could be important. And I suppose it depends on the severity of the fall and location of said debris on oneself.
All this to say that I saw someone today who apparently took a fall... and got back on her horse (read "bike") but skipped the brushing off part.
All this to say that I saw someone today who apparently took a fall... and got back on her horse (read "bike") but skipped the brushing off part.
Looking Forward to Eternity
I guess you shouldn't spend so much time looking forward to things. Either you get disappointed because the thing never happens. Or it doesn't happen the way you imagined. But even if it does happen and is all you imagined-- even more!-- it happens and then it is over.
Tomorrow is my 26th birthday. I have been looking forward to it for as long as I can remember. Why my 26th? It's not 16, 18, 21, 30... No. But tomorrow I turn 26 on the 26th and this, my friends, is my Golden Birthday. Never heard of it? My family says I made up the idea... but I've been waiting for it an awfully long time. It will probably happen. It will probably not be what I imagined. And in about 26 hours it will all be over.
So it is that the only thing we can safely look forward to is to dwell with Christ in eternity, singing His praise. It will be more than I can ever imagine and it will never be over.
Tomorrow is my 26th birthday. I have been looking forward to it for as long as I can remember. Why my 26th? It's not 16, 18, 21, 30... No. But tomorrow I turn 26 on the 26th and this, my friends, is my Golden Birthday. Never heard of it? My family says I made up the idea... but I've been waiting for it an awfully long time. It will probably happen. It will probably not be what I imagined. And in about 26 hours it will all be over.
So it is that the only thing we can safely look forward to is to dwell with Christ in eternity, singing His praise. It will be more than I can ever imagine and it will never be over.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
The other side of the coin
Stressful day. Even celebratory events were stressful for me, in some capacity. I love being home, but it's always something, isn't it?
You've reserved the shelter at the park two months in advance and the parks department doesn't post it early enough so someone tries to use it too. You get there early to set up and when your relatives show up they rearrange everything anyway. Little things like that all day. You go to a bridal shower and find it a really difficult, painful environment to be in, but you can't leave because you did not drive yourself.
You get home and find out that one of the kittens (sweet, sweet kittens that could be handled by rough children and not scratch) somehow got locked into a cooler and died while you were all out for the day. As if this isn't hard enough, it has to be told to the five children. And your sister is crying. And you're sick over the whole thing.
After you're back to almost enjoying yourself, though you keep mentioning "the kittens" and have to correct yourself, your youngest nephew is brought into the house crying miserably. It turns out that he has climbed onto the tailgate of the truck and turned to jump off, only he fell and hit his head on the concrete slab. So, not only is he crying but now everyone is in a bit of a panic, and is arguing because they're worried. He is finally whisked off the the ER, but you are left with a headache (oh wait, you already had that-- you are left with a worse headache). You are still worried and tired and stressed.
Oh, also, you have a friend over during all of this.
Well, Caleb turns out to be ok, and there's not much you can do about the rest of it. But you realize that you definitely did not take any medication this morning, and it's probably time to go to bed.
Beside, writing from the point of view is only adding to your level of exhaustion.
So, goodnight.
You've reserved the shelter at the park two months in advance and the parks department doesn't post it early enough so someone tries to use it too. You get there early to set up and when your relatives show up they rearrange everything anyway. Little things like that all day. You go to a bridal shower and find it a really difficult, painful environment to be in, but you can't leave because you did not drive yourself.
You get home and find out that one of the kittens (sweet, sweet kittens that could be handled by rough children and not scratch) somehow got locked into a cooler and died while you were all out for the day. As if this isn't hard enough, it has to be told to the five children. And your sister is crying. And you're sick over the whole thing.
After you're back to almost enjoying yourself, though you keep mentioning "the kittens" and have to correct yourself, your youngest nephew is brought into the house crying miserably. It turns out that he has climbed onto the tailgate of the truck and turned to jump off, only he fell and hit his head on the concrete slab. So, not only is he crying but now everyone is in a bit of a panic, and is arguing because they're worried. He is finally whisked off the the ER, but you are left with a headache (oh wait, you already had that-- you are left with a worse headache). You are still worried and tired and stressed.
Oh, also, you have a friend over during all of this.
Well, Caleb turns out to be ok, and there's not much you can do about the rest of it. But you realize that you definitely did not take any medication this morning, and it's probably time to go to bed.
Beside, writing from the point of view is only adding to your level of exhaustion.
So, goodnight.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Home with the hicks
Let me tell you something about being home. It's wonderful. California is okay. Home is awesome. Today I was sitting in Taco Time listening to country music and watching pickups drive by. Even the occasional stock trailer. One truck even had a 'coon tail tied to the antenna. I felt so at home. I can tell some things have changed: when I was at the park today, I saw some men throw away a couple of Gatorade bottles and instead of thinking how nice it was that they went out their way to actually find a garbage can (old me) I noticed that those bottles were recyclable (CA influence).
I sat in the yard all evening playing with puppies and a kitten (oh, I can't even talk about what happened to the other kitten) and dogs and cats and a calf... Gosh, I didn't even go visit the rabbit on the front porch. The weather was perfect. The trees are gorgeous. My family is here. *happy sigh*
Now, of course, I'll never convince you that this is not hickville. That there is culture here, and it's not all 'coon tail-antennas. Oh well. You just stay in California and there will be more room for me here, in heaven on earth.
I sat in the yard all evening playing with puppies and a kitten (oh, I can't even talk about what happened to the other kitten) and dogs and cats and a calf... Gosh, I didn't even go visit the rabbit on the front porch. The weather was perfect. The trees are gorgeous. My family is here. *happy sigh*
Now, of course, I'll never convince you that this is not hickville. That there is culture here, and it's not all 'coon tail-antennas. Oh well. You just stay in California and there will be more room for me here, in heaven on earth.
Monday, July 07, 2008
Finally
Blogger wouldn't let me change my reading recommendations for the longest time. It has been at least 8 months, I think. FINALLY, I just changed it. So it should be current. Not that anyone looks at it, but there you have it.
Does it bother anyone else that all my sentences are the same length? It's driving me crazy.
Does it bother anyone else that all my sentences are the same length? It's driving me crazy.
For Kooker
Kooker, this update is for you. Though I work in 12 hours, should be in bed, and have nothing to say, still I shall update my blog.
Hmmm.
I'm wondering where I've been for the last three months, that I've had nothing worth blogging. I know that I have... that many times I've thought to myself, "Self, you should blog that. That's just too funny not to blog." But you see, depression is a pit that is awfully hard to climb out of. So instead you sit at the bottom of the pit and do nothing. Even when you are housesitting, you sleep until 5 pm and don't bother to feed the dog because you are not bothering to feed yourself.
Wow, this is more incoherent than I expected. And I did expect incoherency because, as I mentioned (or meant to mention) it is 12:39 am.
Things I could talk about right now:
Chocolate. I didn't have any chocolate whatsoever for 7 weeks. I'm so glad it's over because, boy do I love chocolate. I'm so happy that chocolate is back in my life. I'm back at the point where I could have several hot chocolates a day and be perfectly content with that. Umm num num.
Fireworks. I am more disappointed than I should be that I didn't get to see fireworks on the fourth of July. It's just that I LOVE fireworks. I love all colored light, it seems. Aurora borealis, rainbows... fireworks! I could hear fireworks. But it just sounded like thunder. I do not like thunder.
Puppies. I neeeeeeed a puppy. One that will stay a puppy, preferably. "I'm gonna buy me a dog. 'Cause I need a friend now. I'm gonna buy me a dog. My [guy], my [guy] no longer knows how--how-- How now brown cow?"
(The Monkees, in case you have no idea what just happened.)
School. I want to go back to school. I complain about everyone else studying. I want to study too. It's not fair. I want to be the person in my family with an advanced degree. Problem: I don't want to do anything with an advanced degree (not career oriented, this one). Also, I have no money.
Home. Can I go home yet? I just want to lie on the couch and pet my dogs. I miss Washington. All y'all don't know what you're missing. And it's not just Seattle. Where I live it doesn't even rain all year. Washington is so freakishly wonderfully diverse in it's geography. You need to see it. And love it. And then stay here in California and leave Washington alone.
Bedtime. I need a serotonin buildup. And maybe another glass of chocolate milk.
Kooker, I encourage you to read on for more entertaining, thoughtful, and (possibly) coherent posts.
Hmmm.
I'm wondering where I've been for the last three months, that I've had nothing worth blogging. I know that I have... that many times I've thought to myself, "Self, you should blog that. That's just too funny not to blog." But you see, depression is a pit that is awfully hard to climb out of. So instead you sit at the bottom of the pit and do nothing. Even when you are housesitting, you sleep until 5 pm and don't bother to feed the dog because you are not bothering to feed yourself.
Wow, this is more incoherent than I expected. And I did expect incoherency because, as I mentioned (or meant to mention) it is 12:39 am.
Things I could talk about right now:
Chocolate. I didn't have any chocolate whatsoever for 7 weeks. I'm so glad it's over because, boy do I love chocolate. I'm so happy that chocolate is back in my life. I'm back at the point where I could have several hot chocolates a day and be perfectly content with that. Umm num num.
Fireworks. I am more disappointed than I should be that I didn't get to see fireworks on the fourth of July. It's just that I LOVE fireworks. I love all colored light, it seems. Aurora borealis, rainbows... fireworks! I could hear fireworks. But it just sounded like thunder. I do not like thunder.
Puppies. I neeeeeeed a puppy. One that will stay a puppy, preferably. "I'm gonna buy me a dog. 'Cause I need a friend now. I'm gonna buy me a dog. My [guy], my [guy] no longer knows how--how-- How now brown cow?"
(The Monkees, in case you have no idea what just happened.)
School. I want to go back to school. I complain about everyone else studying. I want to study too. It's not fair. I want to be the person in my family with an advanced degree. Problem: I don't want to do anything with an advanced degree (not career oriented, this one). Also, I have no money.
Home. Can I go home yet? I just want to lie on the couch and pet my dogs. I miss Washington. All y'all don't know what you're missing. And it's not just Seattle. Where I live it doesn't even rain all year. Washington is so freakishly wonderfully diverse in it's geography. You need to see it. And love it. And then stay here in California and leave Washington alone.
Bedtime. I need a serotonin buildup. And maybe another glass of chocolate milk.
Kooker, I encourage you to read on for more entertaining, thoughtful, and (possibly) coherent posts.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
1001
1001... Before You Die.
Have you noticed this theme? It's everywhere. Just Google "1001 before you die" and you'll see what I mean." There's probably even a list of 1001 things to Google before you die. Question: If I see 1001 buildings, travel to 1001 places, visit another 1001 places in America, eat 1001 foods, watch 1001 movies, read 1001 books, see 1001 natural wonders, and hear 1001 albums... when am I going to take 1001 breaths in order to, I don't know, not die?
Well, if you get done with all those lists, I will come up with some more off the top of my head for your consideration. Then I will get them published as a book and become rich. So that I can travel to 1001 places...
1001 Men to Date Before You Die
1001 Political Parties to Belong to Before You Die
1001 English Grammar Rules to Break Before You Die
1001 Celebrities to Waste Your Time Following Before You Die
1001 Starbucks to Drink Cappuccinos In Before You Die
1001 Blade of Grass to Watch Grow Before You Die
1001 Cable TV Stations to Flip Through Before You Die
1001 Facebook Applications to Add Before You Die
1001 Songs With the Same Three Chords to Play On Your Guitar Before You Die
1001 Strange "Metaphysics" Books to Roll Your Eyes At Before You Die
1001 Ways to Avoid Going to the Gym Before You Die Prematurely
And don't miss the all-in-one volume:
1001 Lists of 1001 Things to Do Before You Die
I think I'd rather make up my own things to do before I die.
#1 Sleep well.
okay, I'll go work on that.
Have you noticed this theme? It's everywhere. Just Google "1001 before you die" and you'll see what I mean." There's probably even a list of 1001 things to Google before you die. Question: If I see 1001 buildings, travel to 1001 places, visit another 1001 places in America, eat 1001 foods, watch 1001 movies, read 1001 books, see 1001 natural wonders, and hear 1001 albums... when am I going to take 1001 breaths in order to, I don't know, not die?
Well, if you get done with all those lists, I will come up with some more off the top of my head for your consideration. Then I will get them published as a book and become rich. So that I can travel to 1001 places...
1001 Men to Date Before You Die
1001 Political Parties to Belong to Before You Die
1001 English Grammar Rules to Break Before You Die
1001 Celebrities to Waste Your Time Following Before You Die
1001 Starbucks to Drink Cappuccinos In Before You Die
1001 Blade of Grass to Watch Grow Before You Die
1001 Cable TV Stations to Flip Through Before You Die
1001 Facebook Applications to Add Before You Die
1001 Songs With the Same Three Chords to Play On Your Guitar Before You Die
1001 Strange "Metaphysics" Books to Roll Your Eyes At Before You Die
1001 Ways to Avoid Going to the Gym Before You Die Prematurely
And don't miss the all-in-one volume:
1001 Lists of 1001 Things to Do Before You Die
I think I'd rather make up my own things to do before I die.
#1 Sleep well.
okay, I'll go work on that.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Grace
Grace is possibly the most complicated simple concept. Or it is very, very simple and we have to make it complicated because we are fallen. More likely the latter. It is very easy to rely heavily on grace, to know that you're not doing well by yourself and by God but that God's grace can fully cover that. This is important. But so are works. People are afraid of works-- it sounds like it nulls grace. But it doesn't. Faith without works (is like a screen door on a submarine...). Works show our faith. Faith is dead without fruit. It is tempting to say the Old Testament is judgement, the New Testament grace. But there is much grace is the Old Testament. When Abraham was to sacrifice Isaac-- he showed is faith and there was grace. Throughout the Psalms, though there is overwhelming talk of judgement by deeds, there is constant recognition of God's goodness and love which lead him to rescue his people, even when they have sinned greatly. Conversely, there is a lot of judgement in the NT. Guess what? We still get to be judged. By God, thankfully, and not our fellow man. It's nice to know, too, that God is consistent. There is talk of the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New Testament-- like what, he changed? God is unchanging! (Hoorah for that! A little consistency in my life, please!) No, God is not changing, it is just a complicated story of redemption. God is the constant in this experiment.
Part II
A woman returned a book to the store the other day. The book is a hot-seller by an author whose style and content I don't particularly care for. Title: Grace Eventually. I haven't read this particular book-- it happens to be the latest out in paperback. I have read one of her other books (Operating Instructions) and I tried to read either Plan B or Traveling Mercies-- I don't remember. I just know that she has a bitter undertone. And really, it's not a very subtle undertone. The woman returning Grace Eventually had bought it because everyone seems to love it. But she found that this woman writing about grace was writing with a lot of hate (her word, not mine). If I could not give a refund, the woman was going to throw the book away because she did not want to support the book or the author. I understood and gave the refund.
However, it occured to me later-- where was the grace in all of this? What grace do we have for the author? Grace and love are intimately related, it seems to me.
Then, do I want other people reading these books? What is it telling them about the true nature of grace? Remember, I don't know for sure because I haven't read this book. Where is the line between my grace for the author and my desire for truth?
Okay, well, that was just some thinking out loud. But it's midnight.
Part II
A woman returned a book to the store the other day. The book is a hot-seller by an author whose style and content I don't particularly care for. Title: Grace Eventually. I haven't read this particular book-- it happens to be the latest out in paperback. I have read one of her other books (Operating Instructions) and I tried to read either Plan B or Traveling Mercies-- I don't remember. I just know that she has a bitter undertone. And really, it's not a very subtle undertone. The woman returning Grace Eventually had bought it because everyone seems to love it. But she found that this woman writing about grace was writing with a lot of hate (her word, not mine). If I could not give a refund, the woman was going to throw the book away because she did not want to support the book or the author. I understood and gave the refund.
However, it occured to me later-- where was the grace in all of this? What grace do we have for the author? Grace and love are intimately related, it seems to me.
Then, do I want other people reading these books? What is it telling them about the true nature of grace? Remember, I don't know for sure because I haven't read this book. Where is the line between my grace for the author and my desire for truth?
Okay, well, that was just some thinking out loud. But it's midnight.
Silly Bunny
Did the Easter Bunny visit you this year? Probably not. I've only heard about the E-bunny and the Silly Bunny. Question: When did the Easter Bunny become sacred enough to ban? How is the Easter Bunny religious? And not even religious, but Christian? Because, you may have noticed, only Christian holiday references are censored-- if it is any other religious observance we must be inclusive, even embracing thereof. As it is, it looks like the word easter comes from the name of a germanic pagan goddess. They thought they were taking the last bit of sacredness from The Most Important Holy Day of the year, but instead they are persecuting those germanic pagans. The Silly Bunny will leave them coal in their eggs... No wait... I'm so confused.
Friday, March 14, 2008
And I don't look good in leggings, and I've never been to Boston in the fall...
So, this high school girl I work with told me the other day that she couldn't have any pizza because she was on a diet. A diet. This is one of those girls who wears tapered jeans. (Don't even get me started on that style.) Today she dressed up for a funeral. She is wearing leggings. Black leggings. Sorry, but anyone who feels remotely comfortable in leggings should not be on a diet. That's just dangerous. I didn't even know that people who wore leggings could talk to people like me. Maybe if I didn't ever eat any pizza I could wear leggings. I could, but would I?
Didn't I have a post on stirrup pants a few months back? Huh.
Didn't I have a post on stirrup pants a few months back? Huh.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
What I'm reading
Blogger will not let me edit my book recommendations. How annoying. So if anyone was just dying to know what I'm reading right now, it's "The Know-it-all" by A.J. Jacobs. I laugh out loud pretty much constantly while reading. I also recommend his new book, "The Year of Living Biblically."
Not My Problem
Today I was trying to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" simultaneously to a customer. It came out "Your problem." Hmm, not exactly the sentiment I was going for.
Take luck! You too!
Take luck! You too!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thoughts on the day
Here are some things I have to say today:
Ants are amazing. My nephew got an ant farm-- it's one of those cool green gel light-up ones. I think I spent 15 minutes watching those ants tonight. You start to wonder what they feel. Do you they feel some kind of joy or at least satisfaction when they have tunneled to the surface? I actually pumped my fist and cheered for them when one finally crawled through the top of the tunnel they were making. Did they care? Do ants have little ant spirits? It's amazing to watch them communicate too. You could see the cooperate even as it looked like they were just stepping all over each other. It's a good thing they are not claustrophobic and do not have space-issues. Oh, but what if they do? See? Ant farms can be great for a Friday night.
24 hour fitness is good for being open at all hours. You know, thus the name and all that. I just got back from the gym, and it's about 11:00 at night. However, when you go to the gym at night I should warn you that you'll be subjected to prime time TV. I haven't watched much TV in about two months, since moving down here. I don't really miss it. I actually had to cut my workout short because the TV was so depressing. Four channels, all depressing. All my exercise-induced endorphin release for nothing. Crime show, news tickers, and even sports where they tell us that Bobby Fischer died. Tomorrow is Saturday, and if I manage to get up, I'll be there in the morning. Last time that meant Disney channel fluff was being broadcast, and I will gladly take it.
On my way back to the store from Starbucks today, I stopped to pet a dog, as I often do. The dog tried to eat my bagel.
I would like to learn to play my guitar. I would also like to pick up piano again.
While I'm wishing for things, I think I might like long hair again. Not sure. Good thing I have this blog so that I can ponder trivial things like this in black and white.
I just closed a Word document and it asked me if I wanted to save the changes to document 42. 42!?!? My niece and nephew must have been typing earlier. 42 is a lot of documents.
I'm reading a good book right now. A book that makes me laugh out loud so that people ask me what I'm reading. It's always nice to be reading a good book.
I feel like I'm writing small tidbits while I wait for the thing I was really going to write about to come back to me... What was it? Maybe it was nothing. Maybe I'm really supposed to be baking cookies for a housewarming party tomorrow or perhaps I should just go to bed. I'll probably think of something that is of great import as soon as I leave. And what will the world do without my blog entry? I guess we'll find out.
Ants are amazing. My nephew got an ant farm-- it's one of those cool green gel light-up ones. I think I spent 15 minutes watching those ants tonight. You start to wonder what they feel. Do you they feel some kind of joy or at least satisfaction when they have tunneled to the surface? I actually pumped my fist and cheered for them when one finally crawled through the top of the tunnel they were making. Did they care? Do ants have little ant spirits? It's amazing to watch them communicate too. You could see the cooperate even as it looked like they were just stepping all over each other. It's a good thing they are not claustrophobic and do not have space-issues. Oh, but what if they do? See? Ant farms can be great for a Friday night.
24 hour fitness is good for being open at all hours. You know, thus the name and all that. I just got back from the gym, and it's about 11:00 at night. However, when you go to the gym at night I should warn you that you'll be subjected to prime time TV. I haven't watched much TV in about two months, since moving down here. I don't really miss it. I actually had to cut my workout short because the TV was so depressing. Four channels, all depressing. All my exercise-induced endorphin release for nothing. Crime show, news tickers, and even sports where they tell us that Bobby Fischer died. Tomorrow is Saturday, and if I manage to get up, I'll be there in the morning. Last time that meant Disney channel fluff was being broadcast, and I will gladly take it.
On my way back to the store from Starbucks today, I stopped to pet a dog, as I often do. The dog tried to eat my bagel.
I would like to learn to play my guitar. I would also like to pick up piano again.
While I'm wishing for things, I think I might like long hair again. Not sure. Good thing I have this blog so that I can ponder trivial things like this in black and white.
I just closed a Word document and it asked me if I wanted to save the changes to document 42. 42!?!? My niece and nephew must have been typing earlier. 42 is a lot of documents.
I'm reading a good book right now. A book that makes me laugh out loud so that people ask me what I'm reading. It's always nice to be reading a good book.
I feel like I'm writing small tidbits while I wait for the thing I was really going to write about to come back to me... What was it? Maybe it was nothing. Maybe I'm really supposed to be baking cookies for a housewarming party tomorrow or perhaps I should just go to bed. I'll probably think of something that is of great import as soon as I leave. And what will the world do without my blog entry? I guess we'll find out.
Monday, January 14, 2008
25-yr-old female extra/introvert seeks peace
I feel like I have a lot to say right now. And I should, right? I haven’t posted anything for months. I could post my last couple of updates that I sent out as emails. But right now I just want to think “out loud.”
Today I was at a restaurant, and as I was at the end of the table, it was easy to remove myself from the large group I was with (I’m guessing close to 20 people). I moved into introvert mode, and pretty desperately wanted to get out of there. Instead, I listened and watched. At the table next to us were two men and they were talking about a woman. Critiquing her—“Oh, I could see how people think she’s cute, but I’ve been around her so much I think she’ annoying.” “Oh, she’s not that smart, I mean, her mom was ecstatic when she got a 900 on her SATs.” And I thought to myself, how awful. How awful to have someone talking about you like that when you’re not there to defend yourself. How awful for someone you probably trust to talk about how you’re annoying. One of my greatest fears is to be annoying. I don’t know that girl, but I feel for her. What do people say about me when I’m not there? (And no, I don’t want to know. Aslan proved it to Lucy and that’s all I need.) Who are we to judge anyway?
Speaking of judging, what is it about judging other people’s relationship’s with God? Okay, I can see if the fruit is not there, you’re going to make assumptions (which still probably isn’t a great idea.) But if you see the fruit, and you say you see the fruit, lay off! It’s my walk. My relationship. Things are going to happen differently. I am a different person and my relationship with God is different than yours. My relationship with you is different from my relationship with anyone else and than anyone else’s is with you. Thank you for the advice, thank you for sharing your thoughts and what you have learned from study, from listening, from experience, and prayer. I truly appreciate those things. But understand that we are different. I know it’s out of love. And it’s not an appropriate response to act out of being hurt. I am hurt. But I am secure in my love, faith, and trust in Christ. That must be the force behind everything I do.
And as far as relationships go, I suppose I should too should recognize that those are different, that they are all going to develop differently, probably even for two people in one relationship. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so emotional, so quickly attached, so affectionate, so caring and sentimental. And certainly that I didn’t let it all be seen. I am an open book. I know people who I think are a little too private. But I wish I were somewhere in between. Somewhere that showed some sense.
I feel like I need to remove myself from a lot of feelings in order to hear God. But is that true? Perhaps God really speaks to me through my feelings. Especially a sense of peace. But what if there is no real peace? What if neither choice leaves you feeling great? Instead you either feel scared, vulnerable, or like you just ignored God. And if you are following God does it follow that you should feel scared? That seems wrong. I need peace right now. I’ve come down to CA, I’m relatively happy here. I have friends (insert new, exciting, fun, and possibly difficult relationships). My job is okay. I like my church. I miss people at home. I miss my college friends and all their new babies. I miss my home church. I miss winter. Right now, though, I can’t imagine moving back. I think about other things, like getting a master’s degree, going on a mission, or something else. (What, moving wasn’t enough change for me?) I don’t know that I feel settled here (maybe because I’m not totally satisfied in my job) but I know that it’s not the right time to go home. My biggest decision to make right now is about going on a mission trip for a year. I need to crack down on the application—if I don’t at least get that in, I think I will feel like I’m avoiding a call. If I have the application in, God can take it from there. So, perhaps before I try feeling a deep peace about that, I had better get through the first step.
In the meantime, I ask for peace. I think it’s all I can ask for right now. There’s so much unanswered in my life. I’ve only been down here two months, so I think I can consider this a transition period still. I don’t have to feel settled about it. There’s a lot still going on around me and in my life. Change. It’s not over yet. I mean, change is never over, but I think this big change isn’t over. It’s actually a big, big change. Bigger than moving down here. It’s deeper than that I think. Which could lead me into talking about other things, like baptism, but I don’t know that I’m up for it right now. Instead I turn to the comfort of my favorite verse:
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:4-7 NRSV
Peace be with you.
Today I was at a restaurant, and as I was at the end of the table, it was easy to remove myself from the large group I was with (I’m guessing close to 20 people). I moved into introvert mode, and pretty desperately wanted to get out of there. Instead, I listened and watched. At the table next to us were two men and they were talking about a woman. Critiquing her—“Oh, I could see how people think she’s cute, but I’ve been around her so much I think she’ annoying.” “Oh, she’s not that smart, I mean, her mom was ecstatic when she got a 900 on her SATs.” And I thought to myself, how awful. How awful to have someone talking about you like that when you’re not there to defend yourself. How awful for someone you probably trust to talk about how you’re annoying. One of my greatest fears is to be annoying. I don’t know that girl, but I feel for her. What do people say about me when I’m not there? (And no, I don’t want to know. Aslan proved it to Lucy and that’s all I need.) Who are we to judge anyway?
Speaking of judging, what is it about judging other people’s relationship’s with God? Okay, I can see if the fruit is not there, you’re going to make assumptions (which still probably isn’t a great idea.) But if you see the fruit, and you say you see the fruit, lay off! It’s my walk. My relationship. Things are going to happen differently. I am a different person and my relationship with God is different than yours. My relationship with you is different from my relationship with anyone else and than anyone else’s is with you. Thank you for the advice, thank you for sharing your thoughts and what you have learned from study, from listening, from experience, and prayer. I truly appreciate those things. But understand that we are different. I know it’s out of love. And it’s not an appropriate response to act out of being hurt. I am hurt. But I am secure in my love, faith, and trust in Christ. That must be the force behind everything I do.
And as far as relationships go, I suppose I should too should recognize that those are different, that they are all going to develop differently, probably even for two people in one relationship. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so emotional, so quickly attached, so affectionate, so caring and sentimental. And certainly that I didn’t let it all be seen. I am an open book. I know people who I think are a little too private. But I wish I were somewhere in between. Somewhere that showed some sense.
I feel like I need to remove myself from a lot of feelings in order to hear God. But is that true? Perhaps God really speaks to me through my feelings. Especially a sense of peace. But what if there is no real peace? What if neither choice leaves you feeling great? Instead you either feel scared, vulnerable, or like you just ignored God. And if you are following God does it follow that you should feel scared? That seems wrong. I need peace right now. I’ve come down to CA, I’m relatively happy here. I have friends (insert new, exciting, fun, and possibly difficult relationships). My job is okay. I like my church. I miss people at home. I miss my college friends and all their new babies. I miss my home church. I miss winter. Right now, though, I can’t imagine moving back. I think about other things, like getting a master’s degree, going on a mission, or something else. (What, moving wasn’t enough change for me?) I don’t know that I feel settled here (maybe because I’m not totally satisfied in my job) but I know that it’s not the right time to go home. My biggest decision to make right now is about going on a mission trip for a year. I need to crack down on the application—if I don’t at least get that in, I think I will feel like I’m avoiding a call. If I have the application in, God can take it from there. So, perhaps before I try feeling a deep peace about that, I had better get through the first step.
In the meantime, I ask for peace. I think it’s all I can ask for right now. There’s so much unanswered in my life. I’ve only been down here two months, so I think I can consider this a transition period still. I don’t have to feel settled about it. There’s a lot still going on around me and in my life. Change. It’s not over yet. I mean, change is never over, but I think this big change isn’t over. It’s actually a big, big change. Bigger than moving down here. It’s deeper than that I think. Which could lead me into talking about other things, like baptism, but I don’t know that I’m up for it right now. Instead I turn to the comfort of my favorite verse:
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:4-7 NRSV
Peace be with you.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Always saying goodbye
Are you getting tired of reading this blog? I am. Every time there is a new post, it is about some sad thing. Today's sad thing is that Bree went to a new home. Bree wanted to be alpha dog and was always fighting with Dolly. Dolly is almost 13 and clearly is not going to be the one to go away. Bree's new home is temporary too. It is a rescue place (which makes me feel like Bree has been rescued from us, like we're terrible people) and there are 8 permanent dogs, 9 rescue dogs. Bree will go to a home where she can be an agility star. The rescue home also has sheep in case Bree would like to learn to herd something besides flying birds.
Bree was funny. She was cuddly. She was vocal, playful, fast, smart, talented, eager to please, and full of love.
And I miss her.
I miss you, Breely.
Gimme kiss?
Blech. Sheesh! Help!
Good girl.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
A dog by any other name
There's this little thing that has been bugging me. I come across it a lot lately. There's this trend in children's books where animals have been anthropomorphized... but the dog hasn't. The dog is still a dog. So not okay. I understand anthropomorphizing animals for children's books. It works. But then there cannot be pets. If you want there to be pets, you have to use humans as the main characters. It's just really weirding me out. I'm disturbed by the whole thing.
Technofailures
I got nothing done today. It doesn't have much to do with the fact that I'm blogging right now. It has much more to do with this:
System goes down, cannot work
Files being sent out for some sort of authority processing, cannot work on those files.
Printer refuses to print.
New toner cartridge is broken.
Need a new mouse.
Keyboard stops working.
Mess with cables-- terminal turns off.
Keyboard still not working.
Remove barcode scanner.
Tangle feet in cords because IT guy undid all my twist ties.
Oh, and all the book carts are being used.
Yeah.
System goes down, cannot work
Files being sent out for some sort of authority processing, cannot work on those files.
Printer refuses to print.
New toner cartridge is broken.
Need a new mouse.
Keyboard stops working.
Mess with cables-- terminal turns off.
Keyboard still not working.
Remove barcode scanner.
Tangle feet in cords because IT guy undid all my twist ties.
Oh, and all the book carts are being used.
Yeah.
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